I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
