Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
