I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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