If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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