I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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