theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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