You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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