I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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