I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
