yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
