chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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