Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
