so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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