I am puke
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
