i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
