just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You made out with two different species that night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
