The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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