You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
