Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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