I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
