The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
