Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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