Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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