Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize