On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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