I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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