she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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