I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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