i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
