I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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