We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm going to jail i love you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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