I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
