Swine flu is the new snow day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
