I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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