I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
