Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
