One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
