dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
