In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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