I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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