That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize