I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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