Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
