we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
