I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
