I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
