I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
