he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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