I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
