omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
