a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
