I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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