I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
