i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We talked him into tasing himself.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
