I can tuck mytits in my pants
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
