I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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