haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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