you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
