Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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