Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
