I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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