he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
