I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
