My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
