I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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