I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
