o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize