I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
