Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
