well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
