i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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