Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
