So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
