The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
