Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i think i just lost a toe
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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